I have so many conflicting thoughts 😕 about this blog post circling inside my head… Last month, in my posts Falling For Fall…Again and Odd, How Old and Dying Can Feel So Invigorating I told you how much I’ve always enjoyed Fall. The Fall colors, the brisk air, the smell of fresh basked apple pie 🥧 are certainly invigorating, but what I didn’t consider at the beginning of the season (only a few weeks ago) was the sadness 😦 that I’m now feeling as we get further into Autumn.
As we move into October, more and more harvest festivals and October fests begin to take place bring with it the yet again, reminders of what I can no longer take part in, no longer look forward to and no longer enjoy.
Farms and farmland are not normally easily #accessible in a #wheelchair It’s difficult if not impossible to move across the uneven grounds of an apple orchard 🍎 in a #wheelchair. It’s difficult if not impossible to move around the uneven grounds of a pumpkin patch 🎃 in a #wheelchair. It’s impossible to enjoy a hayride as a #paraplegic. It’s impossible to feel the leaves 🍂 crunch beneath your feet 🚶♀️ in a #wheelchair. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to fully enjoy Autumn’s adventures.
I miss walking hand-in-hand 🤝 with my honey through piles of leaves, as we laughed together enjoying each other. I miss being happy as we playfully took pictures of ourselves in those fun autumn cutouts.
As we drove around the #Catskills this past weekend. which was in full peak for leaf peeping, I was once again reminded of all the things I no longer can do since that fateful day in June 2016 when surgery gone wrong left me #paralyzed. As the colors begin to fade and days become darker earlier, so too does my spirits darken. Outwardly, for my honey, I force myself to enjoy the ride, enjoy looking at the colorful landscape passing by me as we drove, while inward thinking just as sure as the beauty of this landscape is passing me by so too has my happy life.
As always, I wish you days filled with wonder – take a minute to wonder what it is that made you smile today!
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