When It Shouldn’t Be About Me. . .

Today is a sad day, today my Uncle passed away.  He was a strong man, a man of few words but always there if needed. Today my Mother lost one of her brothers.

Today I should have been able to go to my mother first thing this morning when she called to tell me, but I couldn’t.  Once again #paralysis stopped me from being me.  Instead, I had to call my honey, who had just arrived at his job, ask him to please catch next train home to take me to my Mother’s.

Today I should have been able to drive my Mother to my Aunt’s house to try to comfort her along with my cousins, but I couldn’t.   Once again, #paralysis stopped me from being me.    Instead, one of my cousins, who was also at work, arranged for someone to cover her so she could come pickup my Mother and drive her to my Aunt’s and then back home.

Today I should have been able to hug my Mother, who is 80 and has difficultly walking and rising from a seated position but I couldn’t.  Once again, #paralysis stopped me from being me.  Instead, the best I could do, was wheel up alongside her as she cried over the loss of her brother and reach for her hand from my #wheelchair. I held back my own tears as my Mother struggled to stand up to give me a hug.

Today I should have been able to be with my elderly Mother, elderly Aunts and cousins to comfort each other but I couldn’t.  

Today should not have been about me, but sadly it became all about me when once again both my inability to not only comfort my Mother when she needed me but my inability to be of any assistance to any other family members came front and center in my mind as well as that of all my family members as they realized they had to step in and pick up my Mother and help her get through the day.

I’m sorry Uncle, it is time for you to rest now. Thank you for being such a great Uncle 🙏🏻

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2 thoughts on “When It Shouldn’t Be About Me. . .

  1. What can I say. Life sucks sometimes, and it seems most days lately they are just sad, for a lot of us. As we age life becomes harder, people we love die. Our health fails us. Our dreams are no longer. Since my sons accident four years ago, took use of one arm and no fingers on his hand my life has also been difficult. It’s hard to see him walk in constant pain. phantom pain from fingers no longer there. Back and leg pain every waking hour for him and I can’t do a darn thing to help him. So I know what it feels like to not be able to help those you love. I am sorry you have to go through your days as you do. I know your sad, and I don’t know what to say. I am sad too I know it’s also not about me,, but my insides hurt, my heart breaks for you and him. I am sick of feeling sad. Doctors say my nerves can’t take much more, that my itchy head, headaches, sadness is nerves. But what can you do. Nothing! So my dear cousin, I am sad for you, but I understand. I wish I could turn back time and make you and my son well again, but I can’t and it tares my heart out. Know if I could change your life and my son’s I would. But sadly I can’t.

    1. Thank you dear cousin. Yes it’s been hard for your son too, which in turn affects you. I am grateful for your continuous love and support. Though distance may keep up apart more than we may like, our phone conversations are always there! 🙂

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