The Longest Good-bye

As I sit here staring at my computer screen ‍💻 with my hands placed perfectly on the keyboard, I’m struggling as I try to choose the title for this post. So much has happened since my last post, My Journey As A Wheelchair Bride, one of which is I did get married. Sadly 😔 our marriage was overshadowed by my Dad’s health issues.

I had planned on sharing my experience(s) of planning a wedding from the “comforts of my #wheelchair” 👩‍🦽 but that wasn’t in cards as they say. As 2021 was coming to an end, I was excited to shop for table setting, fun wedding favors, creative wedding signage posters, and yes, my dress. New Year’s Eve 2021, my Honey and I clinked our glasses 🥂 saying good-bye to 2021 eagerly awaiting 2022, to be specific, 2.2.22, Our Day!

Our Day was actually more special than I could have ever hoped for, both my Mother & Father were present when I said those special words, I do. My Mom and cousins put together the most special/intimate gathering of family to celebrate with us as my Honey and I became Mr. & Mrs.

Than, on January 1, 2022, my Dad went in the hospital 🏥 for of all things, constipation. Now, remember, Dad has been sick and in bed 🛏️ for last few years due to COPD, emphysema and dementia with very little apatite. Dad came home from the hospital on January 6th, but this time he came home to a hospital bed in my parents dinning room.

Talk about deja vu, my Dad was now in the same hospital bed, in the same location in my parents dining room as my brother was for 13 years. My Mom is afraid to be alone at night so with my Dad in the hospital my Honey and I started staying with Mom when Dad went to hospital on January 1st and continue to do so now.

Like I said, my Dad has been sick for a few years now, but somehow I knew on January 6th when Dad came home that this would end up being the longest and hardest good-bye of my life.

For weeks Mom, my Honey and I sat and talked with Dad. We (Mom & my Honey) tried to do all they could for Dad while I sat, with silent tears 😢 unable to help, unable to help turn you, or help you get a drink, unable to help give you your meds, just unable. But, what I was able to do was hold your hand 🤝 Everyday, as I sat on the arm of the chair, where I was able to reach you, I’d get up there, and reach for your hand and I would say “Hi Dad” and you responded “Hi Kat.” I would tell you I love you and you always said you loved me too as you gently squeezed my hand.

Then on 2.22.22 my Dad took God’s hand instead of mine as He called him home.

Sad Heart Broken GIF - Sad Heart Broken Cry GIFs
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2 thoughts on “The Longest Good-bye

  1. ✝️it was a sad and happy day when you and your Honey said I do. Happy you were getting married after many years together, dealing with all life has sent your way. Sad as it wasn’t the big wedding you both wanted, and sadder as your dad my Uncle was struggling to live. Yes you are married. Yes your parents were there. Yes it was a lovely gathering of your Aunts two, and your one uncle. With a few cousins. It was A lovely time, loving and beautiful. Most of all, your Dad, my beautiful Uncle was there on your special day. Heartache, as shortly after your wedding you had to say your good by. It has been very hard for you theses past five years after a surgery gone wrong. A surgery that changed your life forever. Just know you are loved, and we as a family have seen how hard you have tried to not let us know it’s tearing your heart out. I offer my prayers to you, and I am so happy your dad was there on your wedding day. Yes it was your longest good by, to a father who gave you strength, and the ability to be the person you are. He made sure you would be a strong independent women. I love your dad, he also taught me so much in life. To think for myself, and believe in myself. I am so sorry for your loss✝️❤️

  2. I understand the sadness you had during that time. I can feel your pain while waiting, watching wishing there was more we can do for our loved one. I don’t think that there is a more helplessness feeling in the world. Your brain is always trying to think of a better way, easier way, a less intrusive way to help your loved one. Then after your loved one leaves us, you tend to say to yourself what if, could I have, why didn’t I. It’s a long road to understanding that you where there for them in the end. I truly believe that sitting by your father’s bed side holding his hand gave him great comfort in his last weeks of life. Try and take comfort in that.

    I also was very grateful to be one of the few that got to witness your I do’s. all in all, I think it was a great day. There was soooo much emotion in that room, love, comfort. Thank you for giving me the joy of being a part of that moment.

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