Today is really hard. Today my mother (who is 81) called me at 9:00 am crying because my father (who is 83) has been awake since 4:00 am calling for me. My father is on oxygen 24/7 and while he has not officially been diagnosed with dementia, it is clear he has a degree of dementia. My heart is literally broken 💔
Thankfully my honey was finally granted permission to continue to work from home until the end of the year which enabled me to be able to go over to my parents as soon as my mother called, if not for him, I would not have been able to get to them.
The thing that hit me hard today was how much I HATE that I am no longer able to hug 🤗 my parents. We get to my parents and my mother is crying in the kitchen and my father is laying in bed. My father is not able to really walk, he can’t see due to macular degeneration and glaucoma and he can’t hear due to a career of working in construction so I should be able to WALK over to his bedside and hug him but I can’t thanks to that fateful day in June 2016 when surgery gone wrong left me #paralyzed! I’m sad and😞 I’m angry 😠!
Sadly my father is starting to talk to people that aren’t there or have already passed away. Even more sad is my mother telling me that my father is calling for me, saying I can lay down beside him and he will share his blanket so I don’t catch phenomena. My poor mother herself struggles to walk due to severe arthritis, and I’m stuck in this #wheelchair.
It’s hard for me to just sit here and not be able to do anything. I want to much to hug them both. I didn’t want to leave but my mother told me and my honey to go home, they would be okay the rest of the day, I cried 😢 all the way home.
Seeing my father not able to hear me and not able to realize I’m there with him next to his bed is heartbreaking. It’s so very hard to watch as he slowly deteriorates. I hope my father knows how much I love him. I hope he knows I was even there today. I hope he knows how much I appreciate the life he gave me. I hope he knows how very grateful I am that he is my Dad! 👨👧 I hope he knows I will never forget. . .I will always remember, remember his guidance, support, and love.
As always, I wish you days filled with strong WONDER – take a minute to WONDER what it is that made you smile today!
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