UGH…. sometimes I feel like I try to “act” like everything is fine, sometimes even good and sometimes I even trick myself into feeling somewhat “normal” like thing may actually be okay. Then, unexpected and unpredictable and like I say all the time, SLAM, something happens and I am once again reminded that everything is NOT okay and I am NOT okay.
Today was one of those days when the reality of how different my life is now was front and center.
A neighbor that moved away several years ago was going to stop by for a visit. PANIC 😱 quickly set in; what time would they be here, how long would they want to stay, can I ask the aide to leave for a while to give me privacy to visit with an old neighbor, will my old neighbor/friend leave early enough to allow my aide to come back and help me use the ladies room if I need before she leaves for the day, etc.
And this my friends is why I have lost all my friends, because I tell people I don’t want any visitors until after 3:oopm (when my aide leaves) or on weekends. I HATE being in the position of having to explain why.
I HATE the idea of having one of my friends here and not being able to talk freely because an aide is sitting there listening to entire conversation. Granted, the conversation may not be personal but it’s the principal of not being able to have PERSONAL TIME.
I HATE the idea of having one of my friends here and me needing to use the ladies room. If aide is here, then it’s the now very obvious fact that I need assistance and if aide is not here, then I’m left waiting for them to leave and aide to return.
It’s been 3 1/2 years since that horrible day in June 2016 left me #paralyzed and forever in this #wheelchair. Will it ever get easier? Will the reminders of what use to be ever stop hurting so bad? Will I ever stop “acting” like things / life is okay? I long for the day when the answer to these questions is YES.
As always, I wish you days filled with WONDER – take a minute to WONDER what it is that made you smile today! Please feel free to “SHARE” this post with your family/friends by using one of the links below! And don’t forget to leave your comments below, we love hearing from you!