I Wish I Could Turn My Brain Off

It’s been a few weeks since my last post. I’ve been struggling with my mind for the last few weeks; maybe it’s COVID, maybe it’s just the fact that it’s winter, cold and snowy, maybe I’m just bored. . .maybe maybe maybe. . . my head is spinning with thoughts; thoughts/memories, wishes/dreams. . .sometimes I feel like my mind just keeps spinning.

I want so much to be able to do more independently and I’m still struggling 4 1/2 years after becoming #paralyzed due to surgery gone wrong. 😢 I read so many blogs of other women in similar situations and get so envious of them and their level of independence. I need to keep reminding myself they are women of average height and even though they too are in a #wheelchair 👩‍🦽 like me, they can reach more than I can being a #little_person.

Maybe if we had a larger house, and not a condo, maybe we could do a bit more customization. Maybe if I could get in and out on to our deck on my own without the fear of tipping, maybe if had had more friends, maybe . . .maybe . . .maybe. Maybe if I could drive again, maybe I’d have friends again, I could drive to go visit or meet for lunch or a drink since none of my friends have a car with a ramp to pick me up. Maybe if we could figure out how I could reach more, simple things like the coffee pot, open the refrigerator, the microwave. Maybe if we could afford a small #accessible RV my honey and I could travel again like we use to. Maybe too if I wasn’t in so much pain almost every night I wouldn’t feel so down the next day.

Sometime I wish I could just turn my brain off, stop trying to figure out how to do things, stop remembering what I/we used to do, stop dreaming of what I’ll never be able to do, just stop 🛑.

As always, I wish you a journey filled with exploring new people, places and things – take time to learn from and enjoy each new adventure along your way!

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